This post isn’t going to be the prettiest, in fact I am going to be very honest.
I know I already posted WIAW, but I just have to vent. I’ve had my fair share of honesty post ranging from when I called off my engagement, to financial struggles to even dealing with depression. I find myself delving back into depression this past week. I just don’t know why. It seems that everything is just starting to weigh me down.For starters, I am still waiting to be put on a better schedule for work. I love my job and it’s the best job I have ever had. But it can be frustrating when you aren’t making enough and trying to pay the bills. But I know that will change soon; time is just not on my side. Not to mention school is stressing me out too.Secondly, Remember the date that I told you I had a few weeks ago? Well turns out he was leading me on. Oh well, what can you do? I also went on a date from hell. This guy was criticizing everything about me from the moment he got in the car (yes to top it off, he didn’t drive!);The way I drove, the way my arms looked (and even having the nerve to tell me he could train me so I can look better, like what the f$#k?), the way I ate my food, the fact that I didn’t eat meat and the fact that I didn’t want to be all over of him (like ew!). He didn’t know much about me; how could he judge me?
I’ve been having this thing lately where people keep judging me or telling me that I need fixing. I don’t need to be fixed. I am happy the way I am and I know what I personally need to improve on. But certainly there is going to be no one to tell me that I need fixing. Even some of my friends haven’t been the best to me either. I know we all are going through things but it isn’t nice to turn your back when I need help, but if it’s vice-versa I have to be there. Why am I going to go the extra mile for people who wouldn’t do the same for me?I know I am not perfect. I know I have flaws. But I am me and if someone can’t accept the person I am, then why would I want them in my life? It’s been a bit over a year that I have been pretty much single and just going through things with various people makes me realize I want to be myself for a while.Am I afraid of commitment? Sure. Am I afraid to fall in love again? Absolutely. But at least I know that I can feel good about focusing on myself before letting anyone else in because it isn’t worth it right now; whether friends or a relationship. I need to just be me.
Thank you guys for listening, I love you all! :]